Day 30 - One More Day?

When my friend, Sandra Belegi, (http://www.theartofgreatness.com) and I began this month-long challenge to be creative every day I thought it would go in a completely different direction. It's been fun (and at times amazing) to see what it has become, and what it has prompted for discussion and thought, for both of us. I can see great growth and maturity in Sandra's artwork, as well as her unique style solidifying more and more each day. Bravo, Sandra!

In my own creative endeavors, I thought I would be painting and drawing. However, as you can see I did not go in that direction at all (with a few minor exceptions). So, when push came to shove and I had to come up with something... ANYTHING... creative, I went toward that which I am extremely passionate, especially in the eleventh hour.

In the beginning I felt like I was cheating by doing that. I actually felt a bit of guilt that I could come up with something creative in such short order. But after some self reflection, a little bitc*ing about my inadequacies, and some dialogue with Sandra, she made me see that I was not taking the easy route. Instead, I was taking the route that I was most passionate about. I took risks with my photos and left myself vulnerable to everyone's eyes (and judgments) on days when I thought my own creativity was lacking miserably. But with that kind of vulnerability comes growth. And growth is what I desire.

After another conversation (or more) with Sandra, we decided that our art must be created for ourselves in order for it to be authentic. Working with a mindset that the art should please others was detrimental to our work. We both experienced that, and came to KNOW that to be the truth. For these two artists, anyway.

I'd like to share a personal story with you.

When I was a young teen my father gave me a 35mm single lens reflex (SLR) film camera. Since he was a camera buff, he wanted me to experience the joy of photography too, so he taught me about ISOs, apertures, and shutter speeds. My SLR had an auto setting but I was determined never to use it, and I held true to that. My camera went everywhere with me. It was a big part of my life. Funny though, at the time I didn't realize its grasp.

Early one afternoon (many years later), a friend of mine stopped over to my apartment because I'd been sick for a while and he was concerned. When he saw me he insisted I go to the emergency room. I was too weak to drive myself. He graciously offered, and I accepted. While at the hospital the doctors told me I had pneumonia. They suggested I check in, but I talked them out of it, picked up some medication at the drug store and was home again in less than five hours. Because of the pneumonia I hadn't been thinking clearly at all. It was late afternoon when my friend watched me enter my unlocked front door and once inside, he drove away.

I was so sick that it didn't phase me that my door was unlocked. I knew it was not the norm, but I was not thinking straight and I entered. Slowly, I made my way up the stairs, and once at the top I found my (normally locked) apartment door also unlocked and ajar. The first thought in my foggy brain was that my parents had stopped by, unannounced. So I went inside, looked around and not only found that my parents were not there, but neither were my dog, my cat nor my VCR, which was usually topped by my little black and white television. And, hey... why was my television sitting on the floor? Nothing made sense to me.

I had to find the dog and the cat though. I went to the rear of my apartment to find the back door was also open and the window broken out. That's when it finally occurred to me that I had been robbed, and maybe, just maybe, he wasn't quite finished with the job. Not a good feeling...

I stood still in that spot for a while, wondering what to do next. Then I heard the dog. Both he and the cat were in the back stairwell. I let them in. We were very happy to see each other.

Now what to do? Foggy brains do not work well in these situations!

Long story short, among the items stolen was ALL of my photographic equipment. That was "The Day the Music Died" for me. Do you know that old song by Don McLean? Actually it was named "American Pie."

My camera was my music. A sense of disillusionment and loss fell over me, along with the sickly brain haze. But I never recognized the loss. I thought I was a bit depressed since I had also lost my contract position as a designer and was on the verge of leaving home to work on the road as a traveling therapist. So many changes. None of them happy ones. But we do what we need to do to keep moving forward.

Nothing was ever recovered from the theft, and the feelings that surrounded the incident caused me to avoid photography, almost entirely, for nearly two decades. I used a point n shoot or an iPhone, but the thrill was gone. Stolen. And I didn't even notice. I noticed the void, but I literally couldn't name what was missing. Strange, that was.

Just a few months ago I took a digital photography class. Thinking I could use my point and shoot, I found I was mistaken. But I was determined, so I bought a new digital SLR. A Nikon D3100. No bells and whistles, just a basic digital SLR with a good track record. The camera needed to be assembled, and I kid you not, it took me all afternoon and part of the evening to do it. It was as if I was making my way through a marshmallow. I could NOT get motivated to complete the task. After the battery was charged there were no more excuses, so together it went. Finally.

By the time I had camera in hand it was dark and raining outside. I took one photograph inside and I was gone. I put on a slicker, ran out the front door, and I hovered over the flowers in the yard, in the darkness, and I began snapping photos. It was as if someone reignited the Olympic Torch with a cigarette lighter. Whoosh! I was shooting photographs!! And I didn't care that I was standing, crouching and kneeling in the dark or the wetness, shielding the camera to keep it dry. I stayed outside for at least half an hour. Drenched. Happy... no, joyful!

That which I didn't know I had lost was back again, and I was absolutely FILLED with JOY!

I have a new sidekick that travels everywhere with me now (in addition to my dog), and I couldn't be happier to have a camera back in my life. Because... I love taking photographs!

I sincerely hope you enjoy the end result of my passion for macro photography. I certainly have an 'obsession' for doing it.

(CLICK PHOTO for a closer view)